"Ice" Warning, in August, at a Jack-in-the-Box fast food joint in North America.
Could this be any wordier? Guess who has a lawyer?
Just a few small edits might improve the sign. You could probably sue anyway, on the grounds the sign was unreadable.
Water in the Faucet:
The instruction manual for the Pfister faucets I bought were top-notch. Wonderfully written, well-illustrated, easy-to-follow. They only fell down here:
"As a result of standard product testing procedures, there may be some residual water in your new faucet or packaging."
Re-written to: "Because of testing, there may be residual water in your new faucet."
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| Original in background. Suggested edit foreground. Click for larger view |
A letter from the Post Office about a service called "Informed Delivery(R)".
Messy, folksy, and verbose. The normal and expected amount of "pleases" -- all were unnecessary.
The letter had two goals: One to disable the account I just built, and a second to explain why I wanted the account. The two were haphazardly intermingled
This could have been a tighter letter, with better organization. For things like this, be short-and-sweet. The letter was not as bureaucratic as most governmental letters, which was nice.
It was fun to edit on a lazy afternoon.
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| Click for larger view |
