Slinky Nonsense

I got a Slinky for Christmas.  Here are some of the things the box said:

"Please remove all packaging material before giving the product to a child." 

It is a square cardboard box for God's sake!  A five-year-old can handle this.

"To play with Slinky in hands"
"Hold end coils of Original Slinky with both hands.  Now raise and lower each hand in a rhythmic motion."  And there is this:  "Retain packaging for future reference."

Some high-quality cautions:  "Caution: Do not use in moving vehicle.  Do not throw coils out any window.  Keep away from face and eyes."

YouTube:  How Slinkys are made: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPNt7iOjcg0

Typical Fire Escape Notice

I am morbidly puzzled why you need to politely ask people to use the stairs in a fire.

If there were a fire, and the building was collapsing around them, time is of the essence -- people don't have time to read this crap.

"Use stairs in case of fire"


Other Please Links of Interest:
My favorite memo with more pleases per square inch than any I have ever seen.  I was the victim of this very document!  Vendor Contracts.

Please Login Blues

A nice login page, obfuscated to protect the perpetrators.

So few words, yet so many pleases.

Click for larger view

It had other problem with wordy-ness that a sharp editor could clean up.

Vendor Management - The most Pleases ever!

Email sent to 150 employees:

I am pleased to announce that request forms for IT Vendor Management Services are now located in the IT Services Catalog within ServiceNow.  Please use these pages to request Vendor Management services in place of e-mail requests.  If you are a frequent (or not so frequent) requestor of services please familiarize yourself with these pages as there are several required fields that must be completed.  These pages are only accessible to IT users.

In addition to vendor sourcing and contracting support, for IT Service Owners that would like consulting and assistance in creating a vendor performance management plan, please use the "IT Vendor Performance Management Consulting Request" page to make the request.  PLEASE NOTE that it will be the responsibility of the IT Service Owner to perform the on-going management of the plan, and at this time these services DO NOT include vendor performance management score cards.

For all general or miscellaneous requests please use the IT Vendor Management General Request page.

Please contact xxxxxxxx @ ext. 7575 if you have any questions.


Possible rewrite:

"For IT Vendor Management Contracts, see the IT Services Catalog in ServiceNow.  Request Vendor Management Plans, Vendor NDAs, and other Contract needs through this system.  These pages replace email requests, and are only accessible to IT users.

"If questions, contact xxxxxxxx at ext. 7111.

Volunteer Rake

An email sent to company employees:
----------------------

There is still time to volunteer!!  If you would like to participate, please reply to this email by Friday.  This community service opportunity only takes a few hours of your Saturday morning, and is a fun and rewarding chance to volunteer. Bags will be provided, but we encourage all volunteers to bring labeled rakes, gloves, warm layered clothes, bottled water, etc.

We are also asking some volunteers to bring dollies and leaf blowers, so please let us know if you can bring a dolly or leaf blower.

When you reply, please indicate the names of the volunteers (children are allowed if you feel they are able to perform the tasks required).

Thank you for volunteering!
xxx and yyy (Rake up Crew Captains)



Not a horrible email, but busy enough.

Possible re-write:
There is still time to volunteer for Rake-up the Town this Saturday.  It takes only a few hours and it is fun and rewarding.  

If you can help, reply with the names of who is volunteering.  If they are old enough to help, children are welcome.  
 
Leaf bags are provided, but we encourage you to bring labeled rakes, gloves, warm layered clothes, and bottled water.  We also need volunteers to bring dollies and leaf blowers; drop us a note for our inventory.   

Thank you for volunteering!
xxx and yyy (Rake up Crew Captains)

Seen in Pocatello, Idaho.
Could be a joke, but still nice to see