Ice Warning

 "Ice" Warning, in August, at a Jack-in-the-Box fast food joint in North America.  Could this be any wordier? Guess who has a lawyer?

 

A few small edits would improve the sign. You could probably sue anyway, on the grounds the sign was unreadable.

Water in the Faucet

Water in the Faucet:

The instruction manual for the Pfister faucets I bought were top-notch.  Wonderfully written, well-illustrated, easy-to-follow.  They only fell down here:

"As a result of standard product testing procedures, there may be some residual water in your new faucet or packaging."

Re-written to:  "Because of testing, there may be residual water in your new faucet."

Original in background.  Suggested edit foreground. Click for larger view

Since I am quibbling, the graphic said "100% Tested Quality".  I expected nothing less.  A simple "100% Tested" would have been more to-the-point.

Commendably, there were no "pleases."

USPS Informed Delivery Paper Mail

A letter from the Post Office about a service called "Informed Delivery(R)".

Messy, folksy, and verbose.  The normal and expected amount of "pleases" -- all were unnecessary. 

The letter had two goals:  One to disable the account I just built, and a second to explain why I wanted the account.  The two were haphazardly intermingled

This could have been a tighter letter, with better organization.  For things like this, be short-and-sweet.  The letter was not as bureaucratic as most governmental letters, which was nice.

It was fun to edit on a lazy afternoon.

Click for larger view